Communicate Versus Attack

FINDING THE RIGHT WORDS….

I recently caught up with a friend for lunch. She was describing a recent argument that her and her partner had experienced. It was a common issue that I have encountered previously, involving equal share of domestic responsibilities. Couples today can be constantly challenged with arguments pertaining to domestic responsibilities, working commitments and finances. As a counsellor, I have found that an effective way to improve relationships is to structure the way you communicate with your partner. Use a good choice of words to communicate your feelings, as opposed to attacking with words. Focus on using “I” statements, as opposed to “You” accusations. 

“You” statement – “You don’t assist enough with the domestic chores. You expect me to clean up after you all the time”.

Rephrasing – 

“I” statement – “When you don’t assist with the domestic chores, I feel overburdened and unappreciated”. 

“You” statement – “You don’t spend enough time with me”. 

Rephrasing -

“I” statement - “When you consistently work late, I feel that you prioritise work over me, I feel as though I come second place to you”.

“I” statements encourage us to take responsibility for the way we are thinking and feeling without blaming our partners. It enables us to be assertive, whilst being less hostile and more compassionate. In asserting yourself, you are expressing your inner feelings with specific emotions. 

Keep in mind that a common misperception can be when you use “I feel” to precede a statement. 

For example, I feel you are trying to control me. It is clear that this is a disguised “you” statement as there is an onus of blame, and it fails to express emotion. 

The Power of Positive Psychology

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This blog draws inspiration from Brene Brown’s spiritual connection and establishes the correlation by achieving inner happiness through positive psychology. Regardless of whether you are a spiritual or religious person, or without religious connections, the power of positive psychology enables true happiness from within the person themselves.

Positive psychology is a relatively new form of psychology and was introduced by Martin Seligman in 1998, although the term originated from Abraham Maslow in 1954 (Seligman, 2002). Positive psychology promotes happiness by enhancing wellbeing and creating meaning and purpose in life for the client. Happiness, or inner satisfaction is dependent on the release of positive emotions in creating positivity and appreciation, giving the client vision for the future.  

There are three components of positive psychology – positive emotions, positive personal characteristics and positive associations. Each component portrays a different pathway for achieving happiness. 

The hedonic side, or pleasure seeking side of happiness is achieved through the release of positive emotions in appreciating the simple delights in life, such as company, human needs, and beauty in nature. 

The purposeful activation of strengths through the experiential engagement of flow is a fully committed demonstration of one’s potential in accomplishing happiness through achievement (Nakamura & Csikszentmihalyi, 2005). 

An altruistic approach in using strengths as a service to other people brings happiness and fulfilment to the individual. This happiness through charitable endeavours makes life more meaningful (Seligman, 2002). 

At Life Counselling Solutions, we implement positive psychology techniques and focus on empowering the client to activate their strengths in amending their current issues. In effect, this increases their positivity and assists them to regain control of their own domain. 

ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION OR DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?

ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION OR DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?

Although at times everyone endures feeling of sadness, if you have been experiencing intense sadness or moodiness for a considerable period of time, be assured that professional help is only a phone call away. Life Counselling Solutions can assist you in dealing with the issues that have resulted in your depression. 

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Do you do drugs?

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If so think about the damage it is doing to your bank account not to mention the permanent damage it would be doing to your body. Be kind to yourself and don’t doubt yourself. Despite what you may think, you have got what it takes to kick the habit regardless of how deeply it has impacted your life over the years. 

By making an appointment or arranging a telephone or skype session you will have made the first change in solving your drug problem and kicking the habit.

The next step of talking to someone and developing life changing strategies will probably assist you with conquering the habit for life.

Call us today at Life Counselling Solutions, your local counselling practice based at Buderim on the Sunshine Coast.